Notes on Parenting

Insights for parenting babies, toddlers, teens, and young adults.

Monday, September 26, 2016

When Tragedy Strikes What do we tell our Children?

by: Dyan Eybergen
In light of the fifteenth anniversary of 9/11 it proves prudent to address what to tell our children in the wake of disaster. When tragedy strikes, such as recent mass shootings, it’s important to keep a balance by letting children know that there are people on this earth who make very bad decisions for reasons we can't always understand, especially when those decisions hurt others; but we also need to emphasize that there are still a lot of caring and peaceful people in the world too. In incidences such as this, highlight the heroic stories for our children; talk about the people who were there to help – who went above and beyond for humanity. Tell stories of compassion and empathy –make those people the focal point of any tragedy.

It may not be realistic to think that we can shield our children from all the images of such devastation. Pictures are everywhere and kids today are so technologically savvy in accessing information. Let kids know that it is okay to talk about their feelings and that it is normal for them to be upset. Be available to them when they need to ask questions. Listen intently and answer with sensitivity, modeling emotional strength. Do be careful how you talk about the event – try not to sensationalize it with gory details. Take in to account your child's age and stage of development. Only tell them information that they are cognitively able to understand. Give your children extra hugs and reassure their safety. When things happen of this magnitude it can skew are interpretation of how safe our world is.
Take this opportunity to provoke empathy and do something positive to promote kindness – in spite of these tragic events. When we are empathetic we do not invite or participate in violence. Get involved as a family to do something for the people of enduring any tragedy; pray together for them; collect and donate money to send to victim’s families; write letters of appreciation to those who helped; get involved with other organizations to promote peace in the world. These acts will help empower children to take a stand against violence. We need to teach children that if they want to make a statement about something violence is never the answer.
Keep in perspective that random acts of violence at schools, concerts or sporting events are not about the events themselves. Take the bombing at the Boston Marathon in 2013 for instance; that marathon is the world’s oldest annual marathon dating back to 1896. For 116 years the Boston Marathon was safe! And for the last 3 years it has proven to be safe once again. 

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