Notes on Parenting

Insights for parenting babies, toddlers, teens, and young adults.

Thursday, November 19, 2015

Cranky Child? Developmental Spurt Could be to Blame



Have you ever experienced a period of time with your child where he/she was particularly cranky, moody, prone to tantrums, etc.? As parents, we have probably all had these times. In fact, I have been dealing with this with my 2.5 year old son lately. He's typically kind of strong-willed anyway, but lately it seems that every little thing has sent him into a tantrum. I have been struggling with this and I figured it was just a phase, but then it just struck me this morning--growth spurt!

Although he is my second child (you'd think I'd learn by now), I had totally forgotten how periods of equilibrium and disequilibrium often send we parents on a developmental roller coaster with our children. There is actually quite a bit of writing about this very topic; most of which was done by psychologist Arnold Gesell. As early as the 1920s he began studying children's development over many years. What he and his colleagues found is that children's development tends to happen in cycles of equilibrium and disequilibrium that repeat themselves multiple times during childhood. This graphic explains it well. Notice, that in the first five years of life, the periods of disequilibrium happen roughly every 6 months. Wow, that is a lot change for little people in a short period of time. It can be difficult for them, and honestly difficult for parents too.




Although it can be difficult to deal with a cranky toddler, I think just knowing that these periods of distress are bound to come and go is helpful. It is also helpful to know that there is a reason for these changes in mood and behavior. As parents I think we often tend to blame ourselves, or our parenting strategies for our children's mood and behavior. While of course our parenting skills do have an influence on our children, it is also good to remember that development happens at its own course, in its own time, and in its own way, often without much control on our part. The folks from the Gesell Institute describe it this way,


"These rhythmic sequences make sense. They compose the process through which growth is achieved—not by addition, bit by bit, nor by a smooth homogenous enlargement, like an expanding balloon. Growth combines integration and differentiation…[it is] a patterning process involving varied alternatives in varying prominence. The process itself is inconceivably complex, but the underlying principle is readily understandable."


The beautiful thing about this pattern of development is that after the period of disequilibrium, a new skill or task is often clearly evident in our children. In young toddlers, in might be the ability to walk; in older toddlers, it might be a new understanding of pretend play. Only then, after the fact, do you understand what your child was struggling with in his/her development. 

I think we as adults can possibly appreciate this type of development in our lives. Have you ever been struggling to learn a new skill? Perhaps you are learning to play piano or learning a new dance, or even just struggling to understand a new idea introduced in a class. Your brain is frustrated, your think about this new skill all the time, you practice and you just cannot seem to master it. Then, you wake up one day and all of a sudden, you have mastered the task--you can play that new song on the piano or you can comprehend that new idea.

It's a helpful reminder that development, in all its forms, is a messy, beautiful process. Our job is to be a guiding, supportive companion with our child on this journey. 




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