Notes on Parenting

Insights for parenting babies, toddlers, teens, and young adults.

Wednesday, July 17, 2013

Blackbirds of a Feather Stick Together: The teen mom and child dynamic.

So as I write this my 12.5 year old child is at the Paul McCartney concert an hour away without me. 


It was a last minute decision and change of plans, we got the call asking if she could go as a replacement for some one who backed out. I asked her 1. if she wanted to go, and 2. if she knew who Paul McCartney was.  Yes, and the Beatles dude, the not dead ones....-were her answers. So off she went with her cousin and my sister in law.  The beauty of the whole thing is her cousin (male), also 12, was given the choice after all other options had be expelled, to bring a friend and he chose her.  Both are the same age, go to local private schools, are catholic, and will never know their biological fathers.  Both were married in to the same family, but you would never know by the treatment they receive. Both identify and are ultra sensitive to their mothers behaviors or emotions.

fastforward--------------------------------she is now home, fed, clean and in bed.......

My daughter's favorite song is Blackbird.  She said it reminds her of me.  And he sang it, she zoned and felt i take inside of her.


Blackbird singing in the dead of night Take these broken wings and learn to fly All your life You were only waiting for this moment to arise
Blackbird singing in the dead of night Take these sunken eyes and learn to see All your life You were only waiting for this moment to be free
Blackbird fly, blackbird fly Into the light of the dark black night 
Blackbird fly, blackbird fly Into the light of the dark black night
Blackbird singing in the dead of night Take these broken wings and learn to fly All your life You were only waiting for this moment to arise You were only waiting for this moment to arise You were only waiting for this moment to arise
 
 
My daughter and I have a bizarre bond.  I can all but cuss her out and the we are hugging in the next breath.   We have a desperate need for love, adoration, and attachment from one another.  I do not ever remember having that with my mother.  To this day, that relational dynamic matters little to me in conjunction to my children.  She was told by her doctor to start taking vitamins.  So we bought some, and she brings me some when she takes hers.  Why?  My being here for her is as important to her s her being here and healthy...
 
But I wonder, if there were not so many years of just her and I, or if she was not abandoned by so many people in her life, would she still have those underlying fears or need for my existence? I wrecked her due to my youthful indiscretions, but i also made her stronger than i will ever be.  Our relationship is stronger and better than it would have been under almost any situation.  Is it because she was born to me at 17?  Is it because we starved together?  Is it because we were alone?  Is it because we were who were were once I became a we?

Who knows.  But I can tell you, if you can find what ever it is that makes this type of relationship with your child work in the long haul and through puberty... find it and use it.  I cannot thinks of a better friend, and a better example I have left on this world than my child. 

C
 
 
 
 
 
 
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