Monday, March 19, 2012
Jason
by Jason Caillier
PARENTING A TEENAGER 007
I always wanted to be a spy. The idea of going undercover on
a covert, cloak-and-dagger operation to surreptitiously acquire secret
information absolutely fascinates me. In fact, after leaving a movie with such
a plot, I typically put my headphones in my ears and play the James Bond theme
song while I sneak around corners and light poles in the parking lot in order
to get to my get away car. So, imagine my delight when I read that parental
monitoring of your adolescent’s friends could lessen the risk of your child
becoming involved in situations that are not in their best interest, such as
underage drinking.
A research article indicates that there is a “strong and
consistent link” (p. 815) between an adolescent’s use of alcohol and their friends’ use
of the same. The Center for Disease
Control published an article indicating similar outcomes for teens with
parents who effectively monitor. Those teens are “less likely to make poor
decisions, such as having sex at an early age, smoking cigarettes, drinking
alcohol, being physically aggressive, or skipping school.”
Teens are not typically forthcoming with their parents about
their own involvement in such ills, so perhaps knowing who your teenage child
hangs out with will give you a better clue about the activities of your own
teen. Well, before we start becoming a master of disguises, we should look at
the techniques other parents employ to effectively engage in parental
monitoring.
1. Communication. It is an obvious component of all
healthy relationships. In the study, most parents learn about the substance use
of a teen’s friend from having conversations with their own child. Good
communication is key to knowing what is going on. Parents need to maintain
healthy lines of communication. A parent has a responsibility to know the practical
details of “who, what, where, when, and
how” a teen spends their free time, but more information will come when a
parent seeks ways to create positive dialogue. Showing respect and interest in
your teen will open their hearts to share. When you work on having a good
relationship with your teen, they will volunteer more of their life without
what they often perceive as prying.
2. Get to know their friends. One avenue by which
parents in the study identified knowing more about their teen’s friends was by
spending time with the friend! (Duh!) While some parents indicated this was as
simple as meeting the friends as they came over to the house before leaving
with their child, others indicating spending larger amounts of time by either
hosting a get together or by taking those friends on family trips.
3. Get to know their friends’ parents. It should be
assumed that a parent may not see “the real person” in a short encounter with a
teen. In order to get a better picture, it is best to get to know the context
of a person. One mother suggests having desert with the parents of her child’s
friends when those parents came over to pick their child up.
An interesting aspect of the study was the discovery of the
discrepancy between a parent’s knowledge of a child’s friend in general and the parent’s
knowledge of that friend’s substance use. While parents may know the friend, they know less about the friend's specific behavior. With so much at stake, the authors
warn against a passive approach and encourage parents to actively engage in
communication and relationship building in order to help teens deal with
serious issues such as underage drinking.
So, while it may not be time to break out the rearview
mirror spy sunglasses you had as a kid, it probably is a good idea to brush up
on your relationship building and communication skills with your adolescent child
and their friends.
What are you doing to connect with your teen and enhance communication?
Bourdeau, B., Miller, B. A., Duke, M. R., & Ames, G. M. (2011). Parental strategies for knowledge of adolescents' friends: Distinct from monitoring? Journal of Child and Family Studies, 20(6), 814-821.
Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. (2011, March 1). CDC - Parental Monitoring - Adolescent and School Health. Retrieved March 19, 2012, from
http://www.cdc.gov/healthyyouth/adolescenthealth/monitoring.htm
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