How to get your child ready for school

There comes a time when every child needs to get ready to enter the school system. It can be a daunting and emotional experience for many parents since their child will always be thought of as being 'their baby'. Remember, though, that going away to school will be an equally frightening experience for them, too. Here, we will look at some tips to nurture your little one into being school ready.

Skills Your Child Will Need

Kindergarten has changed a lot since parents were in school. Back then, days were shorter (a maximum of 3 hours) and there was a stronger emphasis on developing social skills. Nowadays, parents can expect a full day's worth of activities (up to 6 hours) including writing, reading and seat work designed to improve concentration, attention and other skills. These changes mean there are a lot more skills your child needs before starting school. These include:

• Motor skills such as throwing a ball, cutting, walking in a straight line and coloring. 
• Being emotionally and socially ready -- kids need to be able to work in groups and accept the teacher as an authority figure. 
• Being intellectually and cognitively ready -- your child needs to understand numbers, shapes, colors, understand similarities and opposites, and answer simple questions about his/her environment. 
• Curiosity -- your child needs to be eager to learn and investigate the world. They need to think independently and ask questions.

How Parents Can Improve these Skills

• It is important to make sure that the preschool or day care center is ideal for your child. Make sure you choose an environment which builds the skills needed for school, encourages curiosity and teaches learning in a fun and supportive way. 
• Ensure the preschool is fully licensed, has a low child-to-teacher ratio so they receive a lot of attention, is open to visits from parents, and has experienced and educated teachers. 
• Cut down on TV and video games. Take an interest in sports with your child and encourage them to be active. This will improve their motor skills and make them healthier, too. 
• Create family nights and include activities such as playing board or puzzle games to develop team-building skills and nurture cognitive skills. 
• Take advantage of municipal libraries. They have a great selection of books you can borrow. Make reading fun and ask your child questions to build their self-esteem and curiousity. Ask 'What is that?' and 'What do they do?'. 
• Be a good role model. If you are shy, for instance, pluck up the courage to talk to other kids' at the park or preschool. Show your child that it's okay to be friendly towards other people and how easy it is to make new friends. 
• Talk to your child. Nothing will encourage their language skills more than actually talking to them. 
• Ask relatives to buy fun and creative presents for birthdays and holidays. 
• Eat healthily. A good diet is essential for growing kids. Keep junk food to a minimum and ensure there are plenty of fruits, vegetables and proteins at mealtimes.

What to Avoid

It is crucial to remember that every child is different. Everyone learns at different rates and are stronger in some areas than in others. Not every child will be good at sports, for example. Be patient and encourage them. Don't shout or talk down to them.

This guest post was written by Claire Hodge, a mom of two and writer for AuPair.org.


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Posted in: Early Childhood,Elementary School,Guest Post,Prep for School,Preschool,Preschoolers

Knowing when to ignore a tantrum

My daughter Elizabeth just turned three. As toddlers are notorious for their prolonged tantrums I would like to share with you what works for me. For the most ridiculous reason she will stomp and kick until she gets her way. I find it very frustrating dealing with an uncompromising young lady who doesn’t listen to reason. When she gets unreasonable it’s too late for me to step in. It’s only at the beginning strains of a tantrum that I can deal with it and nip it in the bud.

One great tool I use to avert a tantrum is to offer choices. Many parents believe that offering a choice to their kid is enabling them to control the parent. In reality it’s just the opposite. You as a parent stay in control, by virtue of you being the one offering the options. All you are enabling is your child to feel like she counts as an individual with her own preferences. Offering a choice of options to a child, when done correctly, is one of the smartest things you can do. I never offer more than 2 options, as that could confuse them and it just makes it harder for her to decide. So for example, if my daughter is starting to protest about going to sleep, I’ll quickly step in and say “Elizabeth would you like to sleep at the foot of your bed or at the head” or I’ll say “should I close the door or leave it open”. Small things like these which divert her attention work like a charm. My child feels like the boss because she just got to choose and I accomplish my goal with minimal fuss.

If there is a full fledged tantrum in place already there are other great parenting ideas that may work. First thing is check if there is any danger to your child. When my daughter is having a tantrum on the couch or a bed I’ll gently remove her and place her on the floor. The danger of falling off a raised platform can’t be minimized. If my daughter is carrying on because of a silly thing like the wrong Sippy cup color then I feel free to walk away. I’ll make sure she is safe and then wander off to a different activity. My objective is to show her that silly tantrums do not bother me. If a crying episode escalates into banging and throwing objects then I’ll intervene and gently hold my daughter. Rocking back and forth usually does the trick and my daughter calms down.

What are your tips for handling a tantrum?

This guest post was written by Sandy. To read more of her posts visit bagless canister vacuum cleaner.



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Posted in: Early Childhood,Guest Post,Tantrums,Toddler Strategies,Toddlers

Is texting really an effective mode of communication?

In the world right now, there is one cell phone for every two people. In June 2000, 12 million text messages were sent worldwide. By June 2006, 12 billion text messages were sent worldwide. And my favourite factoid about cell phone domination is: in London they are putting up padding on lamp posts because people have been hurt walking into lamp posts while texting and walking.

How dominant have cell phones really become?  Well let’s do some number crunching through an example. There is this girl named Julie, she is a high-school student. She has an awesome cell phone that she uses everywhere! She uses her phone to text at home, at school, after practices, while she walks the dog and in the car while mom drives. She even takes her cell phone to bed with her. She even texts when the hum of her cell phone wakes her during the night. Julie says that she would die without her phone.

One day Julie’s mom opened her cell phone bill and realized that Julie sends and receives an eye-popping 6,473 text messages that month. That is 215 text messages a day. In 16 waking hours, that is 13 texts per hour. That means she is sending or receiving one text every four and a half minutes!  Texting runs her life.

Is texting really all that it is cracked up to be? Is it really worth waking up at 2am to respond? Is it really an effective way of communicating?  Some may say yes, ecstatically.

But what does it mean to communicate? To really communicate? It means we send messages that we encode for someone else to decode.  These messages are sent in words, tone of voice and facial expressions or body language – however you choose to define it. If my wife asks if I want to go to the movie and in response I sigh and say yes while rolling my eyes, what am I really communicating?  I am saying that I am definitely not interested in going to the movies.  This is because we depend on gestures and body language for 55% of the message decoding process; 38% for tone of voice and a lowly 7% for actual words.

When we text someone, even when we attempt to use emoticons, we are actually communicating poorly.  We are only using 7% of what our brain relies on for sending and receiving encoded messages.  We are missing out on larger experience. 

Text messaging, especially excessively like the example of Julie, does not enhance our social skills or social life.  It creates a false sense of security and belonging.  Text messaging, in some ways, is actually more isolating than it is a way of connecting.

Let us start putting down the cell phone and start talking to people, face to face.  Let’s send smiles with our face instead of emoticons. Let us communicate fully, instead of partially. Try it. You may soon realize what you have been missing out on.

Written by:

Josh Lockhart
.....is Locking Hearts Together
lockingheartstogether.blogspot.com

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Posted in: Cell Phone Rules,Communication,Social Behavior,social etiquette,Social Networking,Teens,Texting

The Power of Sensitive Parenting

In recent days, I've been reading some amazing research about the long-reaching and profound effects that sensitive parenting (or lack there of) can have on children. This may not seem surprisingly, of course. We all know that parents are the first and perhaps most profound influence on their children's lives. Recently, however, with advances in neuroimaging and long-term longitudinal research, researchers are able to see even more clearly the impact of sensitive parenting. A couple of areas of influence have really grabbed my attention: brain structure and function, and long-term health. Let's looks at each of these areas and how they may relate to early sensitive parenting.
Brain Structure and Function
It is well-known that mothers suffering from depression are at greater risk for less sensitive/attuned parenting practices. Some research has linked this less sensitive parenting (via mothers' depression) to the development of larger amygdalas in children. The amygdala is a part of the brain that helps control emotion regulation. Thus, less sensitive parenting may actually change the structure of children's brains. That is amazing when you think about it--that in environmental influence (parenting) may have the power to affect how the brain develops. Children with larger amygdalas may have a more difficult time with emotion regulation, which is a key factor in the development of attention and self-control.
Long-Term Health
Research has well-established that children growing up in an environment of low socioeconomic status (SES) are at higher risk for numerous health problems. Although part of the reason for this is obvious (e.g., less access to health care and healthy food), another big factor is stress. Kids growing up in a low SES environment typically encounter a great deal of stress and this stress detrimentally affects their health.This stress also makes it very difficult for parents in a low SES environment to parent sensitively. The good news, however, is that those children whose parents are able to maintain a sensitive, attentive environment reap wonderful long-term benefits. New research is showing that sensitive parenting actually buffers the negative effects of low SES to the point that it's even more beneficial for some health factors that moving up the SES ladder. Turns out the old saying, "You can't buy love" is more true than we realized. 
So with all these positive benefits of sensitive parenting, you may wonder what "sensitive parenting" really means. Contrary to what some may think, sensitive parenting does not mean giving in to your child's every whim or not enforcing rules. Sensitive parenting is often called authoritative parenting. This approach to parenting involves setting firm boundaries but also emphasizes explaining the reason for rules and meeting children's emotional needs. This type of parenting is in contrast to permissive and authoritarian parenting approaches. These parenting styles were originally categorized by researcher Diane Baumrind over 40 years ago and they still have relevance today. As you may have guessed, permissive parents fail to set limits or boundaries on their child's behavior. On the other end of the spectrum, authoritarian parents run their homes like a dictator and expect children to obey strict rules with little emotional support or explanation. Based on these categories, it is easy to see why authoritative parenting is associated with the best emotional and physical outcomes for children. It serves as a middle ground between being too permissive and overly strict. In this environment, children come to know what is expected of them but are also given the emotional support, empathy, and skills to meet these expectations. 
Now this is not to say that an authoritative parenting approach is easy. As is often the case, the middle approach between two extreme ends of a spectrum is the most difficult. Sometimes it may seem easier to give up and just let your child do whatever they like or bear down and insist on blind obedience. As we have seen with recent research, however, by sticking with authoritative parenting your children will ultimately reap the greatest benefits. 

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Posted in: Guest Post,Mindful Parenting,Mom,Parenting,Research,Research Blogging

Understanding Bullying: The Who, What, Where, When and Why of Aggression Among Today’s Kids and Teens

The bullies of today look, sound, and act differently from the bullies of your own youth. Round-the-clock internet availability and 24/7 cell phone access have revolutionized the way today’s kids communicate while at the same time making it more difficult for helpful adults to be aware of when bullying is occurring. In order for parents to be able to help their kids cope with bullying experiences, it is critical that they have a clear and up-to-date understanding of what a bully looks, sounds, and acts like.

What is Bullying? 

According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, bullying occurs when a person or group repeatedly tries to harm someone who is weaker. Bully behavior takes many forms, from the “traditional” hitting, threatening, and stealing lunch money to what experts now recognize as “relational aggression,” which includes social exclusion, rumor-spreading, and using friendship as a weapon.

Who is bullied? 

It’s estimated that nearly one in three children are involved in bullying, as victims, perpetrators, or both—that’s approximately 5.7 million children each year in the United States. Bullies typically select targets that are unlikely to assert their rights and stand up for themselves. Studies show that children who are overweight, gay, or have disabilities (both physical and learning) are bullied at even higher rates.

Where does bullying take place? 

Traditionally, bullying centered in school settings, where kids had personal interactions throughout the academic day. Today, internet access, social networking, video sharing sites, cell phones and text messaging have completely altered the landscape of bullying. No longer limited to face-to-face interactions, bullies can act out their aggression without having to look their victims in the eye. This wide-open access has made bullying more cruel and relentless than ever before.

When does bullying occur? 

Likewise, bullying is no longer limited to the school day. Today, kids can’t rely on their homes as safe havens from bullying, when technology allows for 24/7 interactions. For those who are targeted by cruel peers, it can seem as if there is no escape from cruel teasing, taunting, and texting.

Why do people bully? 

Bullies victimize others in order to gain power and control for themselves. Their tactics cause their targets to feel the opposite way: alone and powerless. Bullies are often people who feel very angry on the inside and have learned to express their feelings by lashing out and making others feel powerless.

Signe Whitson, LSW is a child and adolescent therapist and national presenter on topics related to bullying, anger management, and child mental health. She is the author of Friendship & Other Weapons: Group Activities to Help Young Girls Aged 5-11 to Cope with Bullying and How to Be Angry: An Assertive Anger Expression Group Guide for Kids and Teens.

For more information on helping your child handle bullying effectively, please visit Signe's website at www.signewhitson.com, Like her on Facebook, or Follow her on Twitter @SigneWhitson.



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The Importance Of Individual Time With Your Kids

My son had a rare opportunity recently to make some money.  He participated in a fundraiser and won some gift cards for being the top seller and he got to do a game study for cash.  I wondered what he would do with it and he said, "Mom, I want to take you out for the whole day."

It was such a wonderful experience!  Why would a 12-year-old want to take his mom out?  Because in our family, spending quality time with Mom or Dad is our kids' favorite thing to do.  We usually alternate which child gets to stay up with us on a Friday or Saturday night and we do an activity of their choice, usually watching a movie.  Over Winter break, one of my sons asked me to do a 500 piece puzzle with him.  Other times we have bonus nights for whoever is on their best behavior.  I've never seen them so well behaved!  I took each of them out on a date not too long ago and wish it were something I could do more often.

When my husband was growing up, they also rotated who got to stay up later than the rest of the kids.  It was part of their Family Home Evening chart - a night where LDS families gather weekly to have a lesson, treat, prayer, etc.  One child would be in charge of the treat, another gave the lesson, but the most sought after spots were "Talk Time With Mom" and "Talk Time With Dad".  They got to stay up just a little bit later and have individual time with their parents. 

In my family, my mom would choose someone to make her bi-monthly trip to the Commissary with her.  It was about a 45 minute drive out to the base and she would buy us some hot chocolate and a doughnut from Winchell's.  It didn't cost much, but the opportunity to talk to her about whatever I wanted meant the world to me.  It was also a good lesson on how to grocery shop.  She explained why we got our frozen food last, but making sure to put the bread on top so it didn't get squished.  Sometimes she even needed me to push my own cart.  I felt so helpful!

I highly recommend scheduling regular individual time with your children.  They will love it and it will improve your relationship.

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Posted in: Bonding,Dates,Family Time,Time With Your Kids

What Parents Can Do About Mean Girls

The world of little girls begins as such a lovely place. Heart and rainbow doodles adorn notebook covers, best friendships are formed within seconds, and bold, exuberant voices carry squeals of carefree laughter and brazen delight. Happiness is worn on a sleeve and anger is voiced with authentic candor. Length-of-stay in this accepting, kindly world is time-limited for many girls, however. Seemingly overnight, sweet sentiments like, "I love your dress," turn into thinly-veiled criticisms such as, "Why are you wearing that dress?" Yesterday's celebratory birthday party becomes today's tool of exclusion, as guest lists are used to enforce social hierarchies. Long before most school programs begin anti-bullying campaigns, young girls get a full education in social aggression.

What can parents do to help their daughters cope with inevitable experiences of girl bullying? 

When Your Child is Bullied 
 To be forewarned is to be forearmed; when parents know what to look for when it comes to methods of girl bullying, they are in the best position to help their daughters cope with it. Be on the alert for these telltale signs of relational aggression among girls such as:

• Leaving girls out of parties and play dates
• Starting rumors and spreading gossip
• Giving girls the "silent treatment"
• Threatening to take away friendship ("I won't be your friend anymore if...")
• Forming "clubs" to include some kids and make others feel left out.
• "Forgetting" to save a seat
• Saying something mean and then following it with "just joking" to try to avoid blame.
• Using social media and technology to send cruel, embarrassing, humiliating messages

Encouraging girls to talk about their experiences with friends (and frenemies) is important. Sadly, many young girls choose not to tell their parents when they have been bullied because experiences of social exclusion are so humiliating and painful. Parents can encourage their daughters to talk about bullying through frequent, casual conversations about peer relationships.

Low intensity conversations during the good times provide girls with a foundation of trust that makes it easier for them to open up to parents about struggles. Open-ended questions (e.g. What do the girls at your school fight about? What kinds of words do kids use to hurt each other?) are a great way to encourage dialogue and convey your genuine interest in your daughter's experiences and point of view.

Just as important as starting the conversation is being prepared to listen to any answers that you receive. Even if you think you've been there, done that, and heard it all, it can still be surprising how harsh girls' language is, even at young ages. When your daughter realizes that you will listen without judgment, she is more likely to continue opening up about her life.  

When Your Child is the Bully
We all want to believe that our daughter would never act like a bully. Clinging to this belief, however, prevents parents from engaging in important prevention discussions and/or confronting bullying behavior when it does occur. During the early school years, parents are in an ideal position to shape their daughter's thoughts, feelings, and behaviors about friendships.

When parents talk with their kids about bullying and make it clear that this type of behavior will never be acceptable, they communicate important values and standards. What's more, when their daughter does eventually follow the lead of a mean girl and start a rumor or use silence as a weapon, the parent can refer back to the conversation about how to treat others and use logical consequences to convey that the bullying will not be tolerated.  

When Your Child is a Bystander
Teaching girls to be (s)heroes to their friends who are being bullied can be a real challenge for parents. Many young girls know that bullying is wrong when they see it, but they worry about what might happen to them if they intervene. Parents can play a key role in transforming little bystanders into proud heroes by teaching their daughters that it is never okay to do nothing about bullying. Girls who are given skills for intervening before, during, and after a bullying situation, are gifted with the values and courage that prepare them for a lifetime of forging real, healthy friendships.  

Should I or Shouldn't I?
Parents often struggle with the question of, "Should I intervene in my daughter's friendship problems?" The line between helicopter and hands-off parenting can get confusing, as adults waver between wanting to protect their daughters from any kind of hurt and believing that girl fighting is an inevitable rite of passage. The bottom line is this: young girls need skills for handling friendship dilemmas and they need a parent's help to do it. When parents understand what girl bullying is all about and give their daughters opportunities to talk about it, they are in the best position to teach her enduring skills for healthy friendship development.  

This article contains excerpts from Signe's book Friendship & Other Weapons: Group Activities to Help Young Girls Aged 5-11 to Cope with Bullying. For more tips on helping girls handle bullying, please visit www.signewhitson.com, "Like" Signe on Facebook, or follow her on Twitter @SigneWhitson.


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Posted in: Mean Girls

5 Tips to help an Older Sibling Adjust when New Baby Comes Home

By: Dyan Eybergen

When you're used to being King or Queen of the castle, it can be hard for a child of any age to share his/her space...and mom and dad...with a newborn. Jealousy will often rear its ugly head no matter what parents did to prepare their child for the birth of a sibling.

Here are some tips that will help older children transition, and adjust after the new baby is born:

1. When visitors come to "ooh" and "ahh" over the baby, ask your older child to introduce his/her sibling. Older children will take much pride in being the one to show off the new addition to the family.


2. Ask relatives who are likely to bring a gift for the baby to also bring something for your older child in celebration of his/her new status as big brother/sister (it doesn't have to be an expensive gift, it's the acknowledgment that is important).


3. Give your older child the responsibility for certain baby-care activities: replenishing the diaper bag with diapers; washing the baby's toes while you hold baby in the bath; sprinkling powder on baby after bath time, sing to baby before settling to sleep, etc.


4. Create a "feeding basket" where every morning you and your older child stock the basket with a snack, a beverage, some books, a puzzle and whatever else your child might be interested in. During those times when you have to feed the baby, ask your older child to get the "feeding basket" and come and join you and babe. This way, your older child will have everything on hand and will not have to clamour for your attention to get him/her a drink or snack or play a game. Your older child can sit with you while you feed and you can read, help with mastery over a puzzle or just enjoy chit chat during the feeding of baby.


5. Carve out some special mommy or daddy time with your older child for at least 20 minutes a day where you can sit down just the two of you and engage in some quality play without baby around. If it's dad's special time with the eldest child, then mom is taking care of babe and vice verse. Older children need to feel like they still "belong" to their parents and that baby hasn't come to replace them in all the ways they use to recieve attention from you.

Older children will usually revert to a previous stage of development after baby comes home from hospital.This is not atypical and is usually quite self limiting if parents help to transition and make the experience of adjustment to the new baby positive for the older child. View any misbehaviour or demonstrations of jealously from the older child's perspective. Change is hard for everyone. Compassion and understanding will help older siblings adapt to the new situation and ground their sense of belonging to the family by adding the role of big brother/sister to their identity within the family unit.

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Posted in: big brother,big sister,bringing baby home,new baby,Siblings